I have found the remote control. it was down the back of the sofa!
The people of Newton Aycliffe were devasted this week, as town planners banned
the owners of the new pet shop from keeping a probably deeply disgustingly diseased parrot from
terrorising any potential customers to the store.
An apparently disgusted pet lover wrote to the Newton News, purveyor of only quality news about
the rotary club and other shit you don't need to know to say "A pet shop without a bird is like
strawberries without cream". I'm sure we can only sympathise with the plight of this poor ,
obviously crazy old lady
For the actual news go here.
In other news, I still haven't found the remote control or done the housework.
In other news, it has been repored that several residents of the town left in a strange and bold move,
in some cases spending as much as 24 hours away from the town itself as far away as Darlington or Newcastle.
local police have been investigating the event to limited success
For those with a taste for the more refined things in life, there is an evening of good music
and dancing at the Methodist church on Wednesday 19th April.
The admission charge of £3 includes your supper, everyone is welcome
Music will be supplied by "The Beltones, of international acclaim within the town
The winners of the Trampoline competition have been announced. May I be the first to say
a big well done to Gareth and the other girl who didn't smile on the pic and whose name eludes me.
The Iron Horse has invested in an outdoor patio area complete with speakers for those who enjoy
sitting outside in the rain listening to poor quality pop music. Not "dissin" the horse mind.
The DArlington and Newton Aycliffe Light Infantry is after new recruits to jion(sic) them in their
meetings at the legion. Beer's cheap and there's fuck all else on on mondays so why not?Check it out!
Don't worry it wont clash with evening's festivities at the Methodist church (my mum was dancing in a disco there the night before I was born
by all accounts)
Legion darts winner - David Brooks, Doms winner - Keith Digits, winner - David Brooks/Keith/Colin Brooks
In further news, Doive was unable to get the football results this week due to me losing the remote
Not entirely sure but there's probably some kind of offer on in blakes if you feel like drinking
in the worst nightclub in the world 90% fat slapper 10% henry lloyd jumper wearing guys
Sure loads of other stuff happened too but i either wasn't there or didn't hear about it
The breakfasts in cafe pronto have taken a turn for the worse but at least they don't try to steal your newspaper anymore
"No news from Kismit"
Mark was being a bit gay on Saturday night
Sure loads of other stuff happened too but i either wasn't there or didn't hear about it